Brand New Biblical Text Discovered!

I don't know if anyone else has heard about this yet, but I'm here to give the scoop before it gets to the mainstream media.

It is true that a new book of the bible was recently unearthed. It is also true that several scholars spent the past three weeks working day and night to decipher what could possibly be the most important discovery for christianity of the 21st century.

Earlier this week, Pope Benedict announced publicly that the newest addition to the newest of testaments will be printed in every bible starting february 1st.

The new book, apparently written by one of Jesus' most trusted companions, the fish candool, is a trove of new information about the social and religious leader.

Here we find an artist's rendition of one of the most important scenes from the text, which reveals a new insight into the years before Jesus rose to become the messiah. (Click on the photo if you cannot read the dialogue)

Many critics of the validity of the new document point out the fact that fish candool is not mentioned anywhere in the new testament, or for that matter, anywhere in the bible. Therefore a special committee of cardinals has been created to discuss whether this book should form a completely newer testament, entitled, the newer testament. The committe is said to convene some time later this year.

Samples from the Book of fish candool shows the depth and clarity of the language, something which will undoubtedly attract people to the newer testament, which reads as follows:

"...and yea, fish candool said to them, 'Look not at what thy neighbor hast done, rather, at the new boat they had acquired because of it..." fish candool 10:36

"...fish candool not only gave the people warmth, and light, but shone upon them from its burning wick of truth. And it was in this, the second most holy of lights, that the people found their innermost faults displayed in clear relief against the backdrop of the once joyous occasion..." fish candool 36:10

A discovery like this one spans not only over all Christian denominations, but truly, over the entire world. The name of fish candool, shall live forever in the hearts, and minds, of all.