Bike-on-bike action!

...and by "action," I don't mean bike-pr0n (yeah, I know what you sick people come here for)

I meant, dear readers, that my bike, Lucy, and I were involved in a collision today. And yes, don't worry. Be assured that both bikes were unscathed (or at the very least, very lightly scathed). And so, the tale begins...

It was early morning, with the chill of the dawn laying heavily upon the air...when suddenly, disaster struck. (dum dum dummmm <--dramatic minor or augmented chord)

Nope, hold on. I don't think I'm properly conveying the intended tone of this post. If you need some mood music, open this in a tab whilst reading. (Or if you're feeling like something a bit more whimsical, try this)

Have you gotten it going? Good, let's continue.

So, I hit a dude with my bike.

As usual, I was barreling through campus with little to no regard for the safety of pedestrians, when ahead, streaking across the clearly-marked-"no bike"-crosswalk, another safety disregarding, barreling cyclist crossed my path. Now, I say "crossed my path," in the sense that, Lucy's front tire jammed into [as of yet unnamed bike's] front wheel, at which point both riders and their concomitant bicycles fell to the ground.

Before I continue, I'd like to take this moment to note that I did have time to react. My cat-like reflexes kicked in just in time, allowing me the wherewithal to shout, "whoa, whoa, WHOA!" before impact. However, my apparently sloth-like motor skills did not kick in, since I was spending that precious second between the realization and impact shouting in terror, i.e. NOT BRAKING.

Anyway, we're on the ground...but I spring up quickly, preparing (bravely) for the imminent pummeling, and turn to face my rival. "What? :o" I think, inserting an incredulous emoticon at the end of my thought-sentence, "an old dude? Oh great, it's not going to look good, at all, when he pummels me." Actually, let me rephrase. I shouldn't say "old," he was pretty spry for a guy looking fifty, especially when he jumped up and started to chuckle (at our situation, not in a maniacal way). When I soon realized that the pummeling situation was (hopefully) diffused, we exchanged the usual, "Are you all right? / Naw, it was totally my fault / I was just headed to class / How's the bike?" convo. Turns out everything was okay.

Then came the fifty-year-old guy, swooping in with a bro-hug.

And there I stood, amidst the crowds of students rushing to class, in the street, being embraced by a man I had met seconds before. It was a bit weird, but certainly better than the no-holds-barred, you-bent-my-bianchi, hipster beatdown I was expecting.

And, I guess that's about it. I straightened my front wheel and biked the rest of the way to class. Though I will say, for my first major accident involving a second party, it wasn't really that bad. Sure there was a bit of awkwardness involved, and I could have broken a guy's hip today, but I think that it's more important that we pay attention to the moral of the story:

Don't hit people with your bicycle, it leads to awkward moments.

A series of adventures

...which ultimately led me back to where I began.

This tale begins a few days ago--monday, to be precise--when I felt coming upon me a bit of wanderlust. Knowing that time was precious, I immediately set out to satiate my desire for adventure by sleeping for several more hours, following that with a short lunch, downloading weather software to check the outside temperature, after which I had another snack before stepping outside to confirm the internet's report of the weather, finally putting some shoes on, taking a short afternoon nap, and finally--nearly 4 o'clock by this point--hopping on Lucy, ready for a journey.

For my first stop, I headed to campus to return a few books, both of which were tragically overdue. I used a special route I planned for just this very occasion, a route which took me far around the fraternaties and sporting fields. You may ask the reason for this odd detour, and the answer is simple: I would have surely been pummeled into dust by any "jock" or "frastard" (frat+bastard, it's the best I could come up with) catching me with both An Introduction to Tensor Calculus and Astrophysics of the Sun tucked in my satchel. Nevertheless, the campus was sufficiently emptied by the holiday break such that I was able to steal away to the library drop slot unnoticed by any heavy-knuckled mouth-breathers. (I know, I'm currently in a program to deal with my long suppressed nerd-rage) On my way off campus, I noticed that I wasn't the only one taking advantage of the nearly empty campus. I found these two bikes in the midst of a highly inappropriate act, in broad daylight, mind you.

Bike pr0n after the jump.


With my duties fulfilled, it was off to have some fun. I strapped on my satchel and braved a bit of traffic to bike down to the local park, the only park in town to have actual trees, rather than just a tangle of brightly colored plastic and metal placed in the middle of a giant hampster's enclosure. I leaned Lucy against a tree and sat to read. I brought a Dostoevsky with me, because in my spare time I enjoy looking pretentious. I sat down to read, in a spot carefully chosen so as to be as maximally distant from the incessancy of the noisily frolicking children about. (In addition to my nerd-rage, I also hate children. *The more you know...*) Anyway, I had a very pleasant time in the park, something I blogged about in more detail on my sister blog--check it out, won't you?


Thus, with the sun slowly setting, I ended my journey, as I often do, with a trip to the hipster coffee shop. I was engrossed in the reading, and found that I couldn't pass up the opportunity to be simultaneously ironic, aloof, and pretentious. Also, at this point I'd love to present a photo of the overweight woman I spied there, sitting asleep at one of the front tables, apparently taking a nap while knitting. It was a scene worthy of tableaux, but I was too camera-shy in the crowded room to take advantage of this poor woman. You'll just have to take my word for it.

I've just realized that this will mark the first post of 2009. Happy New Year, if you care for things like that.