Sunday, August 31, 2008

An Atheist Goes to Church - II

and the story of how I was once again decieved by the religious establishment.

It started last week, when flyers were posted around campus which shouted something along the lines of, "Tired of the 'New Atheism?!' Learn how to best protect and defend your faith againsts the swarms of hell-spawn heathens!" (Embellishment added)

But basically, it was a talk on how to defend against people like myself. Now, being the sly nonbelievers that we are, about six or seven of us from OSSO decided to give this thing a visit. Like soviet spies making their way into a pentagon war briefing, we set out for the Baptist Campus Ministry (which henceforth will be referred to as the BCM). And what we found there, ladies and gentlemen, was disturbing.

It seems that it was a trap. Not a trap in the conventional sense of the word, but more like the situation in which a hunter has no intention of even laying a trap, but a rabbit gets caught anyway. It seems that the atheist talk had been canceled.

Not that we knew about it. It took us probably a half hour of repetitive "God, you're so awesome!" praise songs played by a band of wholesome-yet-(christian)-hip college kids with conservative and well groomed facial hair configurations and a sermon which read from the book of Corinthians and concluded with the messages of "God doesn't need you" and "This is a war we can't win." (verbatim) before we realized that the topic of our own evil was not going to be discussed.

Although two of our group walked out at that point, the rest of us stayed through more crappy repetitive praise songs (Listen, god knows how great he is, alright? he doesn't need you to repeat it eight thousand times, much less while swaying with your eyes closes and hands in the air like you're listening to run DMC. Enough already.) and a ten minute spiel about signing up for their "Face 2 Face" bible study groups.

"Which one are you going to sign up for?" I excitedly asked Derrick, sitting beside me.
"Oh, golly! All of them! I don't want to miss a thing!" he replied. We giggled.

After the debaucle was over, we congregated in the parking lot, eager to vent our frustrations and incredulity over the event just witnessed. That night was a long one, discussing their logical fallacies and inconsistencies at the nearby House of Godlessness, in which two of the group of heathens lived. We laughed at the silly people that night, until the night drew thin and cold, and went went separately to bed, having collected further proof of the absurdity of it all.

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