...pure evil. Manifest in a flat tire.
This curse, which stewed maliciously for hundreds of years, began with Abraham Lincoln.
More specifically, it began with today's Thinkin' Lincoln. A simple webcomic? I think not. Rather, I found that it was a harbinger of doom, or more specifically, a harbinger of sharp objects embedded in bike tires.
I got a flat, is what I'm trying to say.
Surely you know what it feels like to get ready for school, eagerly shoving books into your backpack/satchel, whistling a happy tune, eager for the learning which will soon take place, only to find that your only mode of transportation (other than the bus...or my car, I suppose) has been cruelly struck down by a wimpy, flaccid tire.
As you've probably guessed, I found myself in this very situation today. Investigating further, I found that the reason for the air-pressure-deficit was none other than two unnaturally sharp bits of rock.
Coincidence?! I think not!
Sure, the rocks weren't exactly obsidian, and probably not Aztec in origin. Also I wasn't decapitated, as I surely would have been, had the rocks been any more cursed.
So I replaced the tube, but not before making several human sacrifices upon it to the god of bicycles.
Yes, alright, I killed a couple of people, what was I supposed to do? Animal sacrifices are so immoral...